I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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