He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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