There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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