Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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