im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
