at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
