Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
