dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
