so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
