I just gift wrapped bread.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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