It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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