my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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