I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
please come you make the beer taste better
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
