apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't deserve a penis
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
