please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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