So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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