thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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