I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You ate ashes out of my bong
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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