dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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