and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
