Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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