im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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