do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
