Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She told me I should be a condom model.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
