I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
