This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
