I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
