Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
