Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
