Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
