I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
