you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
