Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize