I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
