i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
