i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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