Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
