sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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