We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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