I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
