drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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