The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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