so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
