just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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