..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
FUCK WHALES
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Help. Why am I so naked?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
