$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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