Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize