Will you blow on my dice?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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