Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so that wasnt chicken after all
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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