You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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