i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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