I looked at my own cervix.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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