A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
