he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
