WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize