i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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