he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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