what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize