Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
