i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
