My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
