I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
