Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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