I puked a lego.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
