I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
