She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
