you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
