you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
