i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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