its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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