Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
